Mom Taught Me

Vintage Dilbert March 3, 2014

Vintage Dilbert
March 3, 2014

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

My mother taught me RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”

My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me IRONY.
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about!”

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISTS.
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me about STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

My mother taught me about WEATHER.
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..”

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father!”

I hope you enjoyed this story about MOM as much as I have..... 
Explore the MS&D archives for over 1000 additional stories... 
Take Care and God Bless :-) Kenny T
Author Unknown - Please comment if you know the author
 so credit can be given

 

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10 comments
  1. My Mom also taught me about forgiveness, appreciation, and unconditional love!

    Cheers
    Jim

  2. My Mom said she used to say some of those things to my brother, Andrew…for real!

  3. trE said:

    I laughed at these because my Mom used quite a few. Lol

  4. That was both humorous and strangely comforting, knowing all mothers use these anyways 😀

  5. My mom used quite a few of these, AND she taught me “Patience, Pluck, and Perseverance”. Wonder what we’re teaching our children 🙂 in

  6. Kitsy said:

    I think the author may be a sibling of mine; we must have had the same mother!

  7. oluchee said:

    My mom first taught me first about faith

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