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Monthly Archives: August 2012

Dilbert

A Native American and his friend were in downtown New York City, walking near Times Square in Manhattan. It was during the noon lunch hour and the streets were filled with people. Cars were honking their horns, taxicabs were squealing around corners, sirens were wailing, and the sounds of the city were almost deafening. Suddenly, the Native American said, “I hear a cricket.”

His friend said, “What? You must be crazy. You couldn’t possibly hear a cricket in all of this noise!”

“No, I’m sure of it,” the Native American said, “I heard a cricket.”

“That’s crazy,” said the friend.

The Native American listened carefully for a moment, and then walked across the street to a big cement planter where some shrubs were growing. He looked into the bushes, beneath the branches, and sure enough, he located a small cricket. His friend was utterly amazed.

“That’s incredible,” said his friend. “You must have super-human ears!”

“No,” said the Native American. “My ears are no different from yours. It all depends on what you’re listening for.”

“But that can’t be!” said the friend. “I could never hear a cricket in this noise.”

“Yes, it’s true,” came the reply. “It depends on what is really important to you. Here, let me show you.”

He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few coins, and discreetly dropped them on the sidewalk. And then, with the noise of the crowded street still blaring in their ears, they noticed every head within twenty feet turn and look to see if the money that tinkled on the pavement was theirs.

“See what I mean?” asked the Native American. “It all depends on what’s important to you.”

As Jesus tells the Pharisees in the Gospel, “Give to Caesar what is Caesar, but give to God what is God’s.”

-- Unknown

Dilbert

The Board Meeting had come to an end. Bob started to stand up and jostled the table, spilling his coffee over his notes. “How embarrassing. I am getting so clumsy in my old age.”

Everyone had a good laugh, and soon we were all telling stories of our most embarrassing moments. It came around to Frank who sat quietly listening to the others. Someone said, “Come on, Frank. Tell us your most embarrassing moment.”

Frank laughed and began to tell us of his childhood. “I grew up in San Pedro. My Dad was a fisherman, and he loved the sea. He had his own boat, but it was hard making a living on the sea. He worked hard and would stay out until he caught enough to feed the family. Not just enough for our family, but also for his Mom and Dad and the other kids that were still at home.”

He looked at us and said, “I wish you could have met my Dad. He was a big man, and he was strong from pulling the nets and fighting the seas for his catch. When you got close to him, he smelled like the ocean. He would wear his old canvas, foul-weather coat and his bibbed overalls. His rain hat would be pulled down over his brow. No matter how much my Mother washed them, they would still smell of the sea and of fish.”

Frank’s voice dropped a bit. “When the weather was bad he would drive me to school. He had this old truck that he used in his fishing business. That truck was older than he was. It would wheeze and rattle down the road. You could hear it coming for blocks. As he would drive toward the school, I would shrink down into the seat hoping to disappear. Half the time, he would slam to a stop and the old truck would belch a cloud of smoke. He would pull right up in front, and it seemed like everybody would be standing around and watching. Then he would lean over and give me a big kiss on the cheek and tell me to be a good boy. It was so embarrassing for me. Here, I was twelve years old, and my Dad would lean over and kiss me goodbye!”

He paused and then went on, “I remember the day I decided I was too old for a goodbye kiss. When we got to the school and came to a stop, he had his usual big smile. He started to lean toward me, but I put my hand up and said, ‘No, Dad.’

It was the first time I had ever talked to him that way, and he had this surprised look on his face.

I said, ‘Dad, I’m too old for a goodbye kiss. I’m too old for any kind of kiss.’

My Dad looked at me for the longest time, and his eyes started to tear up. I had never seen him cry. He turned and looked out the windshield. ‘You’re right,’ he said. ‘You are a big boy….a man. I won’t kiss you anymore.’”

Frank got a funny look on his face, and the tears began to well up in his eyes, as he spoke. “It wasn’t long after that when my Dad went to sea and never came back. It was a day when most of the fleet stayed in, but not Dad. He had a big family to feed. They found his boat adrift with its nets half in and half out. He must have gotten into a gale and was trying to save the nets and the floats.”

I looked at Frank and saw that tears were running down his cheeks. Frank spoke again. “Guys, you don’t know what I would give to have my Dad give me just one more kiss on the cheek….to feel his rough old face….to smell the ocean on him….to feel his arm around my neck. I wish I had been a man then. If I had been a man, I would never have told my Dad I was too old for a goodbye kiss.”

--Bishop Thomas Charles Clary
MorningStoryandDilbert

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married,
have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t
old enough and we’ll be more content when they are.

After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We
will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell
ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her
act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a
nice vacation or when we retire.

The truth is there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not
now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It’s best
to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is
the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more
because you shared it with someone special, special enough to
spend your time with… and remember that time waits for no one.

So, stop waiting…
Until your car or home is paid off.
Until you get a new car or home.
Until your kids leave the house.
Until you go back to school.
Until you finish school.
Until you lose 10 lbs.
Until you gain 10 lbs.
Until you get married.
Until you get a divorce.
Until you have kids.
Until you retire.
Until summer.
Until spring.
Until winter.
Until fall.
Until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So, work like you don’t need
the money, love like you’ve never been hurt and dance like no one’s watching.

--Unknown Author

MorningStoryandDilbert

Once upon a time there was a child ready to be born. So one day he asked God: “They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?”

God replied, “Among the many angels, I chose one for you. She will be waiting for you and will take care of you.”

“But tell me, here in Heaven, I don’t do anything else but sing and smile, that’s enough for me to be happy.”

“Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you every day. And you will feel your angel’s love and be happy.”

“And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me, if I don’t know the language that men talk?”

“Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.”

“And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?”

“Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.”

“I’ve heard that on earth there are bad men. Who will protect me?”

“Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.”

“But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.”

“Your angel will always talk to you about me and will teach you the way for you to come back to me, even though I will always be next to you.”

At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from earth could already be heard, and the child in a hurry asked softly:

“Oh God, if I am about to leave now, please tell me my angel’s name.”

“Your angel’s name is of no importance, you will call your angel: Mommy.”

-- Author Unknown

MorningStoryand DilbertIt was a cold winter’s day that Sunday. The parking lot to the church was filling up quickly. I noticed as I got out of my car fellow church members were whispering among themselves as they walked in the church.

As I got closer I saw a man leaned up against the wall outside the church. He was almost laying down as if he was asleep. He had on a long trench coat that was almost in shreds and a hat topped his head, pulled down so you could not see his face. He wore shoes that looked 30 years old, too small for his feet, with holes all over them, his toes stuck out.

I assumed this man was homeless, and asleep, so I walked on by through the doors of the church.

We all fellowshipped for a few minutes, and someone brought up the man laying outside. People snickered and gossiped but no one bothered to ask him to come in, including me.

A few moments later church began. We all waited for the Preacher to take his place and to give us the Word, when the doors to the church opened.

In came the homeless man walking down the aisle with his head down.

People gasped and whispered and made faces.

He made his way down the aisle and up onto the pulpit where he took off his hat and coat. My heart sank.

There stood our preacher…he was the “homeless man.”

No one said a word.

The preacher took his Bible and laid it on his stand.

“Folks, I don’t think I have to tell you what I am preaching about today. If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

--Unknown Author
Vintage Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert

Three guys were tried for crimes against humanity.
Two guys committed crimes.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys were given government trials.
Two guys had fair trials.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys were whipped and beaten.
Two guys had it coming.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys were given crosses to carry.
Two guys earned their crosses.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys were mocked and spit at along the way.
Two guys cursed and spit back.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys were nailed to crosses.
Two guys deserved it.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys talked while they were hung on their crosses.
Two guys argued.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys agonized over their abandonment.
Two guys had reason to be abandoned.
One guy didn’t.

Three guys knew death was coming.
Two guys resisted.
One guy didn’t.

One.
Two.
Three guys died on three crosses.

Three days later.
Two guys remained in their graves.
One guy didn’t.

-- Author unknown

Dilbert

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look At TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways to communicate ideas about God.

Here are some of the results:

God is like.
BAYER ASPIRIN …… He works miracles.

God is like.
A FORD …… He’s got a better idea..

God is like.
COKE …… He’s the real thing.

God is like.
HALLMARK CARDS ……. He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like.
TIDE …… He gets the stains out others leave behind. 

God is like.
GENERAL ELECTRIC ……. He brings good things to life.

God is like.
WAL-MART …… He has everything.

God is like.
ALKA-SELTZER ……. Try Him, you’ll like Him.

God is like.
SCOTCH TAPE …… You can’t see Him, but you know He’s there.

God is like..
DELTA …… He’s ready when you are.

God is like.
ALLSTATE …… You’re in good hands with Him.

God is like.
Vo-5 Hair Spray ……He holds through all kinds of weather

God is like.
DIAL SOAP …… Aren’t you glad you have Him? Don’t you wish everybody did?

God is like .
POST MAN …… Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from
His appointed destination.

God is like.
CHEVROLET …… the heart beat of America

God is like
MAXWELL HOUSE …… Good to the very last drop

God is like.
BOUNTY …… He is the quicker picker upper. . Can handle the tough jobs. ..
And He won’t fall apart on you

God is like.
THE ENERGIZER BUNNY ……. He  Keeps Going, Going, and Going

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