Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
April 15, 2015

There was a man who made living selling balloons at a fair. He had all colors of balloons Including red, yellow, green. Whenever business was slow, he would release a helium filled balloons into the air and when the children saw it go up, they all wanted to buy one. They would come up to him, buy a balloon and his sales would go up again. He continues this process all day.

One day, he felt something tugging his jacket. He turned around and saw a little boy who asked,” If you release a black balloon, would that also fly?” Moved by the boy’s concern, the man replied with empathy.” Son, it is not the Color of the balloon, it is what inside that makes it go up.”

The same thing applies to our lives. It is what is inside that counts. The thing inside of us that makes us go up is our attitude.

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Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
April 13, 2015

On the best sunny day, the most powerful magnifying glass will not light paper if you keep moving the glass. But if you focus and hold it, the paper will light up. That is the power of concentration.

A man was traveling and stopped at an intersection. He asked an elderly man, “Where does this road take me?” The elderly person asked, “Where do you want to go?” The man replied, “I don’t know.” The elderly person said, “Then take any road. What difference does it make?”

How true. When we don’t know where we are going, any road will take us there.

Suppose you have all the football eleven players, enthusiastically ready to play the game, all charged up, and then someone took the goal post away. What would happen to the game? There is nothing left. How do you keep score? How do you know you have arrived?

Enthusiasm without direction is like wildfire and leads to frustration. Goals give a sense of direction. Would you sit in a train or a plane without knowing where it was going? The obvious answer is no. Then why do people go through life without having any goals?

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Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
April 15, 2005

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time, became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said: Dr. Geezer’s clinic. “Get your treatment for $500, if not cured get back $1,000.”

Doctor “Young,” who was positive that this old geezer didn’t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.

So he went to Dr. Geezer’s clinic.

This is what transpired.

Dr. Young: “Dr. Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth.” can you please help me ??
Dr. Geezer:  “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young’s mouth.”

Dr. Young: Aaagh !! — “This is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your taste back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.

Dr Young: “I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything.”

Dr. Geezer: “Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient’s mouth.”

Doctor Young: “Oh no you don’t,  —  that is Gasoline!”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You’ve got your memory back. That will be $500.”

Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.

Dr. Young: “My eyesight has become weak  —  I can hardly see !!!!

Dr. Geezer: “Well, I don’t have any medicine for that so —  ” Here’s your $1000 back.”

Dr. Young: “But this is only $500…”

Dr. Geezer: “Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500.”

Moral of story  —  Just because you’re “Young” doesn’t mean that you can outsmart an old “Geezer “

Morning Sry and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
December 14, 1993

If you are anything like me, you have had the privilege of growing up with the world’s best dad. There is nothing quite like the love of a father, and there aren’t enough words to describe it. Let’s face it, ladies; we need our daddies, and here is why.

1. They treat us like the princesses we are. Our dads know exactly how our significant other should be treating us, and if that isn’t happening, Daddy becomes the knight in shining armor. After all, he is the first man we ever love and the first to love us back.

2. It does not matter if you run out of gas in the middle of nowhere or need someone to carry you out of the haunted house; Dad is the ultimate definition of protection. We all remember the nightmares and immediately running down the hall just the climb in bed beside your dad. There is comfort and the feeling of finally being safe when you are with him.

3. We need someone that is brutally honest, someone that is not afraid of telling us we need to wear less makeup (because he knows we are naturally beautiful), or never go on a date with that guy again (because he’ll just show up on your secret date with him and ruin it anyway).

4. Every girl needs to know she is worth so much more than she believes. You get that every single day when your dad is around. It’s almost like they are trained, or it’s inherited, to constantly remind us we deserve better, we are capable of anything, and we can make our own decisions.

5. It is hard not to become a well-rounded individual when you have someone teaching you independence, the rules of every sport, and how to be a leader. Having the world’s best dad is like taking a life core class in college. He teaches you everything you need to know.

6. When your dreams seem out of reach, who is the one that believes in them the most? Probably the one that has taught you to dream that big. Dads push you to be the best you can be and achieve what seems impossible. When your plan fails miserably, he will be ready to pick up your pieces and build you up again.

7. Need more groceries? Got it. Need more gas in the car? Got it. Need (another) formal dress? Got it. You get the picture.

8. You need someone that will fight for you (figuratively and literally), even when you are wrong. The minute you walk through the doors with tears running down your face, Dad is already cracking his knuckles.

9. Just when you think it could never happen to you — it does. You have a flat tire and, thankfully, you know exactly what to do all because he sat you down one Saturday afternoon, and just when he thought you were only scrolling through Instagram, you were actually paying attention. Good thing.

10. You need your Daddy because imagine a world without them. Imagine if you did not have that strong shoulder to cry on. Imagine if you did not have someone to rebuild your confidence when it gets knocked down. Imagine if you did not have someone to always call you their little girl.

By -Lindsey Rae Hurst
Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
April 9, 2015

Many years ago, a horse rider came across some soldiers who were trying to move a heavy log without success. The corporal was standing by as the men struggled. The rider asked the corporal why he wasn’t helping. The corporal replied, “I am the corporal; I give orders.”

The rider dismounted, went up and stood by the soldiers and as they were lifting the log, he helped them. With his help, the log got moved.

The rider quietly mounted his horse and went to the corporal and said, “The next time your men need help, send for the Commander-in-Chief.” After he left, the corporal and his men found out that the rider was George Washington.

The Book of Virtues, edited by William J. Bennett, 
  Simon & Schuster, New York, 1993, p. 204.

 

Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
April 4, 1999

If you ask most people what is their one major objective in life, they would probably give you a vague answer, such as, “I want to be successful, be happy, make a good living,” and that is it. They are all wishes and none of them are clear goals.

Goals must be SMART:

S   “Specific” For example, “I want to lose weight.” This is wishful thinking. It becomes a goal when I pin myself down to “I will lose 10 pounds in 90 days.”

M   Must be “Measurable”.  If we cannot measure it, we cannot accomplish it. Measurement is a way of monitoring our progress.

A   Must be “Achievable”.  Achievable means that it should be out of reach enough to be challenging but it should not be out of sight, otherwise it becomes disheartening.

R   “Realistic”  A person who wants to lose 50 pounds in~30 days is being unrealistic.

T  “Time-bound”  There should be a starting date and a finishing date.

Author Unknown - Please comment if you know the author
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Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
April 8, 1998

A farmer had a dog who used to sit by the roadside waiting for vehicles to come around. As soon as one came he would run down the road, barking and trying to overtake it. One day a neighbor asked the farmer “Do you think your dog is ever going to catch a car?” The farmer replied, “That is not what bothers me. What bothers me is what he would do if he ever caught one.” Many people in life behave like that dog who is pursuing meaningless goals.

Life is hard by the yard,
but by the inch,
it’s a cinch.

Author - Gean Gordon 
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