Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
February 23, 1995

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

They decide to go to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

His wife asks, “Where are you going?”

“To the kitchen,” he replies.

“Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?” she asks.

“No, I can remember it.”

“Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. You’d better write it down, because you know you’ll forget it.”

He says, “I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.”

“I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, so you’d better write it down!” she retorts.

Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Leave me alone! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream — I got it, for goodness sake!” Then he grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says… “Where’s my toast?

Author Unknown - Please comment if you know the author
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morningstoryanddilbert:

I never get tired of “Shootin’ the Breeze”…. Please enjoy the re-blog…
Kenny T :-)

Originally posted on Shootin' the Breeze:

I have written many posts about our dog named Beau.  Jimmy Stewart, the actor, had a similar dog with the same name.  He wrote a poem that he read on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show back in 1981.  It is funny and more.  Click on the link below.  I expect that you will be glad to have the experience.

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Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
February 20, 2000

YOU MAY THINK THAT YOU ARE a great listener, and yet be guilty of “listening” but not hearing? You may even fake listening and reply with a response or solution designed to shut the person up.

When a person presents a problem, you tend to offer a solution, but solution-driven responses are not listening. You can’t solve a problem if you have not heard it. Besides, what makes you think you have the perfect solution?

Try three listening tips:

1. When your head is busy thinking up solutions, stop and ask yourself, what is this person’s voice telling me?
Does she sound angry, sad, disappointed? What facial expressions do you see?

2. If someone asks you, “What should I do?” be careful!
Rather than answer, say, “You’ve described a tough challenge. Tell me what you’ve tried?” or “I wonder what the real problem is. Before I jump in with ideas, tell me what’s really going on?” or “How about we brainstorm together some possible ideas.”

3. People don’t always tell you things so you’ll solve their problems—sometimes they simply want you to listen and be there for them.
Be sure the person wants to hear an idea, suggestion, or view before you share it. Ask permission: “I have an idea. I may be off base, but would you like me to share it?” Or “May I make a suggestion?” Not listening can destroy a relationship. So, when someone asks, Do you have a minute? give the gift of listening.

Listen with Your Heart, Not Head

If you struggle with listening, your head is likely getting in the way. You grapple with ways to communicate your message—how to best say what you want to say. The real question is: What is the other person saying? Listening with your heart requires a different kind of listening.

Take these five steps:

1. Focus on the other person.
What emotions do you hear? How does the voice sound? Sad, angry?

2. Don’t take what the person says personally.
Get out of the way of the message. Ask what he or she means. Ask open, probing questions to better understand.

3. Get next to the other person.
Listen for where the person is. If your friend is hurting, feel the hurt with him. Don’t try and fix the hurt. If your teenage daughter is angry at you, feel her anger rather than defend yourself.

4. Use your intuition to hear the messages behind the words.
If you feel something inside, you’re probably listening with your heart. Take a risk and share what you are feeling inside: “I sense that you’re afraid of your boss.”

5. Use metaphors to explain your intuition or the other person’s feeling.
Put what you feel into a visual image: “As you talk, I get this image of a deep well. Tell me how that works for you?” Practice listening with your heart. The next time you feel frustrated with your communication, get out of the way and let your heart take over.

Author  -  © Joan C. Curtis
Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
February 14, 2015

Does the statement, “Because we’ve always done it that way”… ring any bells?

The U.S. standard railroad gauge (the distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatriates built the US Railroads.

Why did the English build them like that?

Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that’s the gauge they used.

Why did they use that gauge then?

Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.

Okay! Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing?

Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that’s the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads?

Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (and England) for their legions. The roads have been used ever since.

And the ruts in the roads?

Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing.

The United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. And bureaucracies live forever.

So, the next time you are handed a spec and told we have always done it that way and wonder what horse’s ass came up with that, you may be exactly right, because the Imperial Roman war chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the back ends of two war horses.

Now, here’s the twist to the story…

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site.

The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains. The SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses’ behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world’s most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse’s tail.

And you thought being a horse’s tail wasn’t important.

Author Unknown - Please comment if you know the author so credit can be given
Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
February 17, 2015

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.
Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.

In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success.
Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.

In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.
Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure a new tape is in the video camera.

In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.
Today, kids wouldn’t touch Dad’s clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.

In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.
Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.

In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.”
Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for hockey practice!”

In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the child was all smiles.
Today, a father spends $800 at Toys ‘R’ Us, and the kid says, “But I wanted an X-box!”

In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.
Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at gym, Pizza in the fridge.”

 --  By  John J. Plomp
Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
February 16, 1996

If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley – but be
The best little scrub by the side of the hill;
Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.

If you can’t be a bush, be a bit of the grass,
Some highway happier make;
If you can’t be a muskie, then just be a bass –
But the liveliest bass in the lake!

We can’t all be captains, we got to be crew,
There’s something for all of us here,
There’s big work to do, and there’s lesser to do,
And the task we must do is the near.

If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail,
If you can’t be the sun, be a star;
It isn’t by size that you win or you fail –
Be the best of whatever you are.

-- By Douglas Malloch
Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
February 15, 1995

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay ‘them’

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves (and GOD). Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER…
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Author Unknown - Please comment if you know the author
 so credit can be given
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