Grandma’s Revenge

Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
October 13, 2003

It had been so hard for the children to wait for Christmas morning. The glass of milk and cookies were carefully put on the mantelpiece on Christmas Eve. The parents and grandmother had been sitting late in the living room, waiting for the children to finally fall asleep, shooing off the cat that showed great interest in the milk and the Christmas tree.

Whoever came up with the term Catmas was certainly a person who owned cats. The cat seemed to think Christmas was invented to amuse the feline kind. So during the years they had learned to tie the tip of the tree with string to a hook in the ceiling. Sure it caused the angel on top of the tree to tilt a bit, but if the option was “Timber!”, the angel could stay tilted.

Also the most precious glass baubles were tied to place with wire and the lower branches only had the cheapest plastic balls because the cat also thought football with Christmas decoration was a good way to pass time – preferably in the middle of the night when the sound effects were at their most efficient.

So they sat there, enjoying the brief silence before Christmas morning.

Ah, said the grandmother to her son, – This used to be my favorite moment each Christmas. You kids were asleep, everything was finally ready, and I could lift the weight off my feet. The only peaceful moment of Christmas for me.

Yes, I suppose we were quite a bunch to handle, her son chuckled.

You sure were… grandmother commented, – Our Christmas tree had to be tied to the ceiling as well, even though we only had an old dog who only wanted to eat and sleep…

I could write a short and funny story about each Christmas I remember, her son laughed. – OK, let’s think… Short and funny story number one: do you remember the time when we managed to get the turkey fall to the floor after you had put it on the table? Cranberry sauce was all over the new white carpet!

You could say that is a sight I’ll never forget… grandmother did not laugh quite as heartily as her son.

Short and funny story number two would be when we opened the package dad was planning to give to you for Christmas and the dog swallowed the diamond ring that fell out? You had to run after the dog everywhere and then dig the ring out of…

Mind your language. And yes, I do remember that.

The Mrs looked at her husband and shook her head slightly. The husband didn’t notice it.

And oh how we laughed when we changed your favorite Christmas record to a heavy rock record and turned the volume to the loudest… You sat there with a glass of red wine on Christmas Eve when you thought you were alone and put the music on… You never got the wine off your new silk pajamas… Now that was a funny Christmas story number three!

Grandmother looked at her son with a very tight lipped smile. He was roaring with laughter, hitting his knees with his hands.

Darling… Why don’t you go check if Santa Claus could come already?  Asked his wife and John went to check out on the kids one more time, wiping tears of mirth.

The children were fast asleep and so Santa could come and put all the presents under and around the tree. There was one big box that had a label “Merry Christmas to Dean and Mark, Love, Grandma”

Wow, that’s a big present! John said, – Must have been expensive!

He was dipping the chocolate chip cookies in the milk.

Yes, it was a bit, but I’m sure it’s worth every cent, grandma said.

They went to sleep and woke up to the yells of children in the morning. When they came down the boys had just attacked the biggest box, grandmother’s gift. The parents sat on the sofa and laughed at their kids joy.

The box opened and for a while there was a stunned silence. Then:

Wow… Thanks grandma!!

Out came one cowboy’s outfit, and one Indian chief’s. But that was not all – also a big water pistol (fully loaded) and a real bow and suction cup arrows. Lots of them. Before you had time to wink the boys were in their new costumes. The cat was wise enough to run for cover, but was chased out of its hiding place with a long squirt of water and then up the Christmas tree with suction cup arrows bouncing off its hairy behind. Interestingly the angel on top did not fall down, even though it looked like it was planning on taking off.

Mother! John shouted when the cat shot down the tree leaving it hanging on a sting, – Oh no… Didn’t you remember the havoc we used to cause when we played cowboys and Indians indoors?

Who says I didn’t?  Grandmother smiled sweetly,    Now, how about some coffee?

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3 comments
  1. Smells like sweet revenge if you ask me. I think my Mom and Dad gave us a few “noisy” gifts for our children for Christmas too – and I think I deserved it. Great post!

    Like

  2. Sweet revenge! We as kids don’t realise how troublesome we are and it is only after we become parents we realise how handful we must have been for our parents. good post

    Like

  3. Heeheeheee!(done with a cackling, witchy kind of laugh, rubbing hands together, remembering the havoc three sons could raise before they got chased outside 🙂 )

    Like

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