Show and Tell

Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
August 19, 2000

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. “This is Luke, my baby brother, and I’m going to tell you about his birthday.”

“First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.”

She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

“Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’ (Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.)

“She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

“My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have a sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.” (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

“And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!” (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

“Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe.’ They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.”

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another “Middle Wife” comes along.

Author Unknown - Please comment if you know the author so credit can be given
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14 comments
  1. Hahaha! May I reblog? Spanked for crawling up there! O my!

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  2. I had to read this aloud to my other half. Adorable and hilarious!

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  3. This is how Art Linkletter made his fortune. Kids should be TV sitcom writers, we would never need canned laughter. Thanks for sharing. “Laughter does good like a medicine” this was a big dose.

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  4. Too funny! I can see it all and tears are still rolling! Thanks for the laugh!

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  5. Reblogged this on Father Says… and commented:
    Just had to share this …

    THOUGHT TO REMEMBER:Doing nothing is better than doing the wrong thing. But you are going to make mistakes. Tons of them. The real question is what you will learn from them.

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  6. Sue C. said:

    That is so funny. I hope you don’t mind if I re-blog. Everyone needs a good laugh. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  7. I taught high school history 33 years here in Miami. Reminds of one test answer: Angelo Saxon. You know, that Italian guy that invaded England. Thanks visit my blog.

    Like

  8. One of the best things I’ve seen in a very long time 🙂

    Like

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