WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
July 1, 2014

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME RELIGION.
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL.
“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME LOGIC.
“Because I said so, that’s why.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT.
“Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME IRONY.
“Keep laughing and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM.
“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA.
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER.
“It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS.
“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming towards you, would you listen then?”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY.
“If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – don’t exaggerate!”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.
“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
“Stop acting like your father.”

MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY.
“There are millions of less fortunate children in the world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

THANKS, MOM!!

 

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4 comments
  1. Reblogged this on Oloegbokhare's Blog and commented:
    I happened upon this wonderful piece. I’m jealous, ’cause I didn’t think of it fezz. But, really though, there’s talent in this our world

  2. It’s a wonder children ever turn out well at all, with the erroneous life-lessons we mothers (and maybe a few fathers?) inadvertently teach!

  3. Your mother was special. Good words to live by. My mother taught me the words shut up. I therefore said little when I was a kid and now I blog to let all the words out.

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