Christian One-Liners

Morning Story and Dilbert

Vintage Dilbert
February 3, 1996

  • Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
  • Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.
  • Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.
  • It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
  • The good Lord didn’t create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
  • When you get to your wit’s end, you’ll find God lives there.
  • People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
  • Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.
  • Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong..
  • If the church wants a better preacher, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
  • God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
  • Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
  • Peace starts with a smile.
  • I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?
  • A lot of church members who are singing ‘Standing on the Promises’ are just sitting on the premises.
  • We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
  • Be ye fishers of men.. You catch them – He’ll clean them.
  • Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
  • Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
  • Don’t wait for six strong men to take you to church.
  • Forbidden fruits create many jams.
  • God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
  • God grades on the cross, not the curve..
  • God loves everyone, but probably prefers “fruit of the spirit” over a “religious nut”.
  • God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
  • He who angers you, controls you!
  • If God is your Co-pilot – swap seats!
  • Don’t give God instructions — just report for duty! – Corrie ten Boom
  • The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.
  • The Will of God never takes you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.
  • We don’t change the message, the message changes us.
  • You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.
  • The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
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34 comments
  1. coalowl said:

    Saw this on a tea bag tag many years ago. I remember thinking it described my step-mom perfectly. “Some minds are like concrete thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.”

  2. Hi, I always love one liners, and I enjoyed yours. Takes a while to put that all together. Thanks

  3. These are great! Thank you for sharing them. And thank you too for stopping by my blog-I appreciate you taking the time to look.

  4. Each of these quips includes so much truth packed into so few words. The one that spoke most loudly to me: You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him. I want to be big of faith, perseverance, and positivity. If I allow discouragment to control me, I dishonor God! Thank you for sharing these gems of humor and/or truth!

  5. Mike DeNatale said:

    Reblogged this on Blogging for Wisdom and commented:
    Coming soon… Christian pick up lines.

  6. Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

    Sounds like parishioners at my church. :-)

  7. Becky said:

    These were great….I liked “God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?”
    Hope you have a great day!

  8. Michael said:

    I didn’t write it, but I’d love to break a commandment and steal them! lol. GREAT stuff!

    • Stealing is permitted!!!! Send them to all your friends and have fun!!!! Take Care and God Bless :-) Kenny T

  9. I’m feeling the, “It’s easier to preach ten sermons than to live one!” Great collection of thought-provokers!

  10. As a therapist, my favorite: He who angers you controls you.

  11. Anonymous said:

    These are all so cute and funny, but sadly so true of so many Christians we look at everyone around us and think wow I am so glad I am no like that other fella!

  12. jemiluce said:

    That is brilliant.. made me giggle, and may have encouraged my friend and I!

    My Favourite is this one : Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

    or that one :God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called

  13. Good one, Kenny T! Thanks for starting my morning right! :)

  14. Amen to each of these! So glad I started this day with reading this. Time for prayer!!
    Thank you for posting
    Scott

  15. I love!!! “I don’t know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?” Lol…

  16. raymcdonald said:

    Don’t bother to give God instructions; just report for duty. Corrie ten Boom

  17. Lyn said:

    My favourite…
    “Be ye fishers of men.. You catch them – He’ll clean them” :-)

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